Wednesday, June 8, 2011

BEST JOKES (PART 18)_COMPUTER JOKES

Banta Singh and Santa Singh got tired with the mobile communication.
mobilephone.png
They decide to use the conventional method of communication.
That is to use pigeons to send messages. One day Santa sends his pigeon.
When the pigeon reached Banta, it was with out any message.
pigewon.jpg
Angrily, Banta picks up his mobile and calls and asks Santa “what is this – a joke?
The pigeon is without any message.”
Guess what Santa said???
- – - -
- – - -
“Are Gadheyyyyyyyy !!!! , woh to sirf miss call tha !


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Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his Childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers.
The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, “Is this your computer?”
Disappointed by the Goddess’ lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, “No.”
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said “No, not at all!!”
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said “Yes.”
watergoddess.jpg
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer
asked her, “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?”
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid idiot! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers ! ! !

So saying she disappears….


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HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER. RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.
CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
21521869thm.jpg
VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t you will lose everything!!




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 Here is a interview given by our Banta for the job in java office…

Interviewer: What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
Banta: Terms are different … nothing more
Interviewer: What is JFC ?
Banta: Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee
Interviewer: Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
Banta: Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will
have 3 tyres
.
Interviewer: I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which
methodology will follow?
Banta: Send it through courier.
Interviewer: Can I modify an object in CORBA?
Banta: As you wish , I do not have any objections.
Interviewer: How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
Banta: Sorry, Non living things can’t communicate.
Interviewer: Explain RMI Architecture?
Banta: I am a computer professional not an architect student.
interview.jpg
Interviewer: What is the use of Servlets ?
Banta: In hotels, they can replace servers.

Interviewer:
What is the difference between Process and Threads?
Banta: Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for
process.


Interviewer: What is JAR file ?
Banta: File that can be kept inside a jar.
Interviewer: What is JINI?
Banta: A ghost which was Aladdin’s friend.
Interviewer: How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
Banta: I will give invitation.

Interviewer:
What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
Banta: A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Interviewer: Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
Banta: When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.



http://www.jokesduniya.com/category/computer-jokes/page/3/


SOLUTION 08/06/2011

1--No! It is illegal to bury a man alive.

2--Your Shadow.

3--I am a Heart (first letter of each line).

4--I am a camera.

BEST MIND PUZZLES

1--Can a man living in the United States be buried in Canada?

2--I can fly like a bird, not in the sky,
which can always swim and always dries.
I say goodbye at night and morning, hi.
I'm part of you. I follow and lead as you pass,
dress yourself in black, my darkness lasts.
I flee the light but without the sun,
Your view of me would be gone.

What am I?

3--Hear me knock
Ear cannot hear
As you ponder and think
Rereading the facts
The answer lies within

What am I?

4--I shot you, but you are not injured. What am I?


For solution  refer SOLUTION 08/06/2011

Monday, June 6, 2011

BEST JOKES (PART 17)_KIDS JOKES

Two boys were playing marble and suddenly rushed to the hospital.
Smaller boy told to the doctor, “I have swallowed a marble.”
marbles.jpg
Doctor: “I see, Is this your brother with you?” asked to the older boy.
The other boy replied “No, I own the marble.”

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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you’re wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots !!
15484730thm.gif
PAPPU: Yes, it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.

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Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.
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Johnny: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!

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During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
3238620thm.gif
Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.


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Ek chote bacche ne apani pregnant mummy se pucha : Isme kya hai?
Pregnant
Mummy : Issme pyara sa Baby hai.
Baccha : Itana pyara tha to khaya kyu ussko?




http://www.jokesduniya.com/category/children-and-kids-jokes/page/3/

BEST JOKES (PART 16)_KIDS JOKES

Doorbell bajao aur bhago




Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:
Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?
Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.
dorrbells.jpg
Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?
Baccha: Ab bhago!

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Teacher : Pappu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Teacher and student
Pappu : No, teacher, it’s the same dog… we both wrote on!!!


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A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
churchind.jpg

Little Johnny
replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”

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A Poor Family Essay




A teacher once asks all students to write an essay on the topic “A Poor Family”. One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay . The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class and her essay goes on as…
Teacher and student

She writes :
Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they, doo bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!!
Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they, ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha, 3 mercedeez car thi,
unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha, ghar mein 1 saal sey paint nahi hua tha family ko holiday ke liye foreign country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they, ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they, all in all, bahut he gareeb family thi!!!!!


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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
child
Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:
“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”




http://www.jokesduniya.com/category/children-and-kids-jokes/page/4/



SOLUTION 06/06/2011

1--Water

2--"Dozens" - take the s off and dozen means twelve.

3--A Secret!

4--888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1000

BEST MIND PUZZLES

1--I am in solid stone yet I move. I am weak enough to be broken with your hands; however, I am strong enough to break steel. What am I?

2--A word I know
six letters it contains
subtract just one and twelve remain

What word am I?

3--I am myself until a time, I am told. When I am, I am contradicting my meaning! What am I?

4--Use only 8's to make 1000. You can only use addition.









For Solution refer SOLUTION 06/06/2011

Saturday, June 4, 2011

BEST JOKES (PART 15)_MANAGEMENT FUNDA

Management Funda




1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”
2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”
4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”
5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
office.jpg
7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will
talk later”
8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”
9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”
11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”
12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”
offce.jpg
13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”
14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”
15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”
16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”
17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”


http://www.jokesduniya.com/category/business-and-office-jokes/page/2/

SOLUTION 04/06/2011

1--Time

2--An egg

3--They are both in the middle of water. (waTer)

4--The castle's shadow.

5--A riddle.

BEST MIND PUZZLES

1--I run and run and cannot flee; always watched and never seen. When I'm long, I bring boredom; when I'm short, I bring fear. What am I?

2--I'm a container with the inside golden than can't be opened unless I'm broken! What am I?

3--An island and the letter "T" have something in common. What is it?

4--I am as large as a castle, yet light as air. 100 men and their horses cannot move me. What am I?

5--I am words in a sentence and my answer is hard to figure out. What am I?


For solution refer SOLUTION 04/06/2011