BEST JOKES (PART 12) BEST SIGN BOARD MEANING

Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
Pakde gaye to khana free.

Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan:
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough
or else they never will be.

THE BEST ONE:
Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.
- Indian Armed Forces

http://www.jokesduniya.com/49/meaning-of-signs/#more-49 

SOLUTION 03/06/2011

1--You take of the s.

2--Neither. The ambulance doesn't put out fires.

3--To get the food, you eat the dates on the calender. (Dates are a type of nut) For water, you drink the water from the springs in the mattress. (like freshwater springs)To get out of the box, you go to the piano and play each note until you get to the right key to unlock the door.

4--Tilt the barrel until the wine is barely touching the lip of the barrel. If you can see the bottom of the barrel, it is less than half full. If the bottom is covered it is more than half full.

5--I am the word "refer".

BEST MIND PUZZLES

1--How do you make seven even?

2--There is a straw house on fire, a rock house on fire, and a brick house on fire. Which house does the ambulance put out first?

3--You're in a box. You are very hungry, thirsty, and you need to get out of the box. There is a door to the box but it is locked shut. All there is inside the box is a calender, a mattress, and a piano. How do you get food, water, and a way out using these 3 things?

4--Two girls went to a carnival. A man said, "This barrel has some wine in it. Whoever can guess how much wins $100.00!!!" The girls immediately volunteered. The rules were as follows: 1.You may not use any tools. 2. You may not remove any wine. One of the girls, Kay, said, "The barrel is obviously more than half full." The other one, Mya, said, "No, it's less than half full." Kay won. How did she figure out exactly how much wine was in the barrel?

5--I am a 5 letter word, spelled the same way backwards. I like to direct for information and my middle letter is F. What word am I?

For solution refer SOLUTION 03/06/2011

BEST JOKES (PART 11)

Air travel of Sardarji

One Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.

But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.

After some time the old lady came and requested the Sardarji to leave the side seat.

But the Sardaji told, “I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”.

The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Sardarji to leave that seat but Sardarji did not leave.

Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain.

Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji and the Sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.

Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Sardarji?

Captain told, “nothing… Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh and all others will go to Jalandhar.”

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Telephone Directory

Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table & says – What a shit ?
Sardar : “I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all” ?


Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory…

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A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms.
Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off.
The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 miles so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea.


A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied, “Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30,000 miles.

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Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for heads and no for tails.


Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on?
Santa replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”

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Santa : I am a proud man, my son is in medical college.


Banta : Really, what is he studying.
Santa : No, he is not studying. They are studying him.

SOLUTION 02/06/2011

1--White. The spot you started and ended at was the North Pole.


2--I never said that the second blind man couldn't talk. All he had to do was tell the cashier he wants the sunglasses.

3--They have one brother.

4--Windshield wipers!

5--She is drinking coffee. The letter E appears twice in her name, as it does in the names of the others that are drinking coffee.

BEST MIND PUZZLES

1--You start at one spot on the Earth, and you walk five miles south, five miles east, and five miles north, and you're in the exact same spot that you started. You look to your right and see a bear. What color is it?

2--A man who could not talk went into a store to buy a toothbrush. He made a motion with his finger that looked like he was brushing his teeth, indicating that he would like to buy the toothbrush on the counter. The cashier understands and the man buys the toothbrush. Another man who is blind wants to buy sunglasses. What can he do to make the cashier understand he wants to buy the sunglasses without touching the glasses?

3--Mr. and Mrs. Hibbert have 5 daughters and each daughter has a brother. How many brothers do the 5 daughters have?

4--I have two arms that keep a rhythmical pattern. I move when you want me to, but never when I am not needed. When the clouds cry I help cause less deaths because I let people see. What am I?

5--George, Helen, and Steve are drinking coffee. Bert, Karen, and Dave are drinking soda. Would Elizabeth be drinking coffee or soda?


For Solution refer SOLUTION 02/06/2011

BEST JOKES (PART 10)

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran away
Sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka
De raha hai'.

 

SWOT BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour

 

 

 

Sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
Now it's 2 ltr.

 

 

 

Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar I'll get up when he comes.!!..

 

Sardar wanted to make a STD call to Punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.

 

 

 

One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!

 

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for four days.
Lady calls again.
Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one
Comes out

 

 

 

2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
Copied.

 

Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
My wife with him.

 

A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati....
Amitabh : In which state the river Kaveri flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind,  ALL WERE SARDARS.......

BEST BABY PICS PART 1

 

( Photo by potamadam )

 

( Photo by potamadam )

 

( Photo by Iv Mirin )

 

( Photo by kris.damato )

 

( Photo by T_Pence )

 

( Photo by dlcaines )

 

( Photo by potamadam )

 

( Photo by michellebl )

 

( Photo by Luis Loli )

 

( Photo by AshleyHuffine )

 

( Photo by babymaker )

 

( Photo by polkadotandplaid )

 

( Photo by Crickets Creations )

http://www.newbornbabyzone.com/features/30-cute-baby-pics/ 

SOLUTION 01/06/2011

1--You don't know because Lola is at her friend's house!!

2--I am time.

3--He laid the candle on it's side and lit both ends and when the two flames met in the middle he walked out.

4--The letter g.

5--I am the dentist!

BEST MIND PUZZLES

1--Lola goes to her friend's house to study for a quiz. While they're studying, they get hungry so they go to the refrigerator to see what they could eat. Inside, they find two apples, an ounce of cheese, a gallon of milk, and a pizza. They eat the apples, cheese, and pizza and drink the milk. What's left in Lola's refrigerator?

2--Until I am measured,
   I am not known.
  Yet how you miss me,
  When I have flown.

What am I?

3--Nico is the 94th contestant in a radio station contest to win a free car, he has to go in a room with no clock   no watch or anything that tells time and he has to walk out 30 minutes later. He has a lighter and a candle that will burn in exactly one hour,( supplied by the radio station) and he has nothing to measure the candle with. Then Nico walks out 30 minutes later to win the car. How did he do it?

4--I end big I start good I'm two in huggin and I surround good white dog. What am I?

5--I dig out tiny caves in which
  I store Gold and Silver
  I  build bridges of Silver
  I make Crowns of Gold,
  The Smallest you can imagine,
  Sooner or later you will need me,
  yet you're afraid of me.
  Who Am I?


For Solution refer SOLUTION 01/06/2011